Perhaps the most colorful character at Takhli RTAB, Thailand in 1967-1968 was Major “Buns” Fraiser, FOB [Friend of B-66ers] -- an F-105 pilot in the 333rd Tactical Fighter Squadron, 355th Tactical Fighter Wing.

Buns Fraiser was virtually the only Thud Jock who would lower his nose and descend to the level of mere B-66 crew members -- which we deemed so great an honor that Buns was never without gratis drinks in both hands while at the bar in the Officer’s Club.

When socializing with us, Buns even went so far as to wear our B-66 Patch on his chest -- affixed with a paperclip to the Upper Tab of his FS, MZ [Flight Suit, Main Zipper].

Buns Fraiser was a Second Generation Fighter Pilot from Pratt, Kansas. His father was a fighter pilot in WW-I. Anything to escape the plains of Kansas!

Buns received his nickname when he was a young F-86 fighter pilot in Korea. Entering the crew quarters one day, his fellow pilots were greeted by Buns asleep on his cot, clad only in his Fruit of The Loom Undies which had crept into the cavernous ravine of his bare derriere that was pointed directly at the entranceway of the hooch. The unanimous conclusion was that the ample exposed anatomy resembled a Gigantic Hamburger Bun – thus the nickname “Buns”, which will probably end up in perpetuity as part of the inscription on his tombstone. Most people can’t even remember his real first name that was so lovingly bestowed on him by his parents.

At around 6” 3” tall – and easily 250 pounds – Buns had to be lubricated and inserted into the cockpit of the F-105 with a giant shoe horn. Once installed, Buns was literally an integral part of the aircraft and flew it as such.

One evening, I entered the Takhli Officer’s Club to find the dining area totally empty, with everyone congregated in the area of the main bar where a beaming Colonel John C. Giraudo [355th TFW Commander] was seated alongside the most beautiful, delectable, round eye [American Female] in an ultra short skirt that only a male in the jungle of Thailand could dream about.

Seems that a U.S. Congressman and his wife were on a fact-finding tour of Southeast Asia and had come to Takhli to make certain the taxpayers were getting full value for money spent. The scene was right out of Hollywood – a gorgeous female and her equally handsome politician husband, come to save the world from communism [while shopping and touring Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, Hong Kong, Japan and Other Pacific Rim Countries courtesy of the U.S. Tax Payers].

All alone in the far corner of the club, the congressman and a Chaplain [former Fighter Pilot] were drinking wine and smashing their glasses against the teakwood wall paneling -- since we didn’t have a fireplace for that purpose.

The rest of the crowd was climbing all over each other trying to get a peek at the Daisy Mae Quality Female, as Thud Jocks demonstrated their superior inebriated equilibrium in not falling off a Bongo Board as they tried to maintain their balance, chew gum and look at Daisy Mae’s beautiful legs -- all at the same time. The only thing they succeeded in doing was look at her exposed legs – as the gum chewing ceased, and slack-jawed, they fell off the Bongo Board.

As part of the normal Washington entourage on such fact-finding safaris, there were a number of cretins and other lower types of humanoid forms circulating through the crowd while prominently displaying their press credentials.

One such news urinalist made the mistake of approaching Buns Frasier, to whom he made his introduction as a Time Magazine reporter, flashed his credentials at Buns and announced, “Major Frasier, I’m from Time Magazine and have been cleared by DOD to interview aircrew members in any area that doesn’t involve classified information. Will you consent to an interview”?

Bun’s reply was, “Thus far, you are batting 1000. You are absolutely 100% right and correct about several things. You obviously know what a Gold Oak Leaf represents, have 20-20 eyesight and correctly read my name tag. I am indeed a Major and my name really is Frasier. Please continue to keep everything factual in your news release. What would you like to know”?

Time Magazine Reporter [TMR]: As an F-105 Fighter Pilot, what is it like to fly combat missions over North Vietnam?

Buns Frasier [BF]: Oh, I don’t know. Guess I’d have to say it is about like any other job in which you look forward to the weekends -- especially Sundays.

TMR: I can equate with that – I sure do look forward to days off at the end of the week!

BF: That’s not what I meant, since we fly 24 hours around the clock every day of the week.

TMR: Oh? Then what do you mean?

BF: Simply that all we F-105 pilots fight over who gets to fly the Sunday missions where we go to Hanoi, fire our machine guns to ring the church bell – and when all the little kids come out of their houses to go to Sunday School, we drop napalm on them.

TMR: Major Frasier, you are putting me on in the most absurd fashion – trying to make me look like an idiot!

BF: You don’t need any help making yourself look like an idiot, you Rufus Doofus Dunderhead! All I’m doing is illustrate how your article in Time Magazine will read regardless of what I tell you as the real facts of the matter – so Buzz Off Buster!

Needless to say, all the military members present bought another round of drinks for our Super Champion, Major Buns Frasier, FOB.